June 5, 2008

What a Difference 20 years Doesn't Make...

As I sit here tonight writing this blog I can't help but question why I am even bothering but for some reason unknown too myself at this time thats exactly what I'm doing.

Back in the late 1980's I was engaged too a guy for all of about 3 weeks. We had been dating and living together for almost 2 years and then decided too get engaged. Seems like a nice idea right?

The whole relationship was a disaster from the get go but being young and stupid I was going to change him, I was going to love him so much that he'd want to change, I was going to help him change and be the man I always knew he could be.. Ah youth, it's wasted on the young..Well, I did try too be his help and safe mate for two years through all the mental abuse, the physical abuse, the cheating, the lying, that usually was heaped on me after a night of his drinking. The lengths I went too for this guy at such a young age were ridiculous but as they say, "Love is blind" and when you're young it's not only blind it's stupid as well.

Finally after 2 years and one engagement ring later, deep in the middle of the night one night I got a clue. (Thank you daddy), I woke up, sat up, looked at this drunken mess laying next to me(although I have too admit he was a VERY goodlooking mess) and thought, oh no, this is never going to work. If I marry him in 2 years if he doesn't kill me first in one of his drunken tirades I'll probably be barefoot, pregnant, living in a broken down trailer somewhere with no money, a husband who can't hold a job but can always hold a bottle. The thought of that and the advice that was given to me from the beyond from my dad made me jump up, get dressed, grab my things, hop in my car and do about 90 outta there and I never looked back.

Skip ahead twenty, almost twenty one years later. My life moved on, maybe not in the direction I would have liked it to go in all areas but I am happy in most areas with a few exceptions. The guy from Twenty years ago? Six feet under this past March having died at the age of 44 years old from liver failure. In plain speak, he drank himself to death. So way back in the 80's I knew even then this is how it would end up.. It's amazing how much of a difference time usually makes in ones life but for some, not so much.

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~Robyn~ XO