May 27, 2011

Bittersweet Reminder

Hey there friends,

   I know it's been quite a long time since I blogged. Seems I need to be in the mood to write and lately, thats not a lot of the time. Anyhow, thought I would provide and update on whats been happening around here and with my life.

The last month has been, eventful. Then again when isn't it around my home. In the beginning of the month my loving husband suffered a 2nd degree burn on his ankle and the inside of his knee on the same leg. Lou has metal in his ankle from when he crushed it many years ago playing softball. Now he has neuropathy pretty badly in his legs,ankles and feet due to the nerve damage in his back and six back surgeries. One night, the neuropathy was so bad he put the heating pad on his ankles like he usually does when it's acting up only this time, he had also taken his pain meds for his back and, fell asleep. Apparently, the heating pad, super heated the metal in his ankle and burned it pretty badly and while he was asleep he must have moved the heating pad because he also ended up with a burn on the inside of his knee on the same leg. Eventful wouldn't you say? I'm not sure what other word to use.

Two weeks ago, Onyx, one of my Lhasa Apso's had to have skin surgery again. He had it back in 2009 because he gets what almost looks like acne only if these little bumps are not popped when they are small and drained they can get huge, painful and infected. Since the weather wasn't hot until this week Onyx has not been shaved and I missed one. It's my fault because I should have paid more attention. Anyhow, he ended up with a gigantic lump on his back right on his spine area and I know it was hurting. It was so huge it had to be operated on to remove whats called the sack so it wouldn't grow back. So, on a Thursday my "little man" as I call him, went in and had his laser surgery. We had the stitches removed yesterday and he's healing well.. Now I just have to remember to keep a closer eye on his skin.

Lady, my diabetic Lhasa or as I call her, my "sweet sugar cookie" is doing well and I am thankful for that. Granted, she has issues because of her diabetes but all in all she's hanging in there.. Still feisty as ever, still bosses everyone around, even the 90 pound labs we have. The girl takes no guff but she sure knows how to hand it out.. Typical woman eh?

As for myself, I am, doing as best I can. I had a scare this past Tuesday morning when I didn't know if I had pulled a muscle or I was experiencing a heart attack. I had just gotten up and while still in bed, for some reason I went to reach over next to me to move the pillow or something but I used my left arm instead of my right one which would have been smarter considering the pillows were to the right of me and in an instant I couldn't move. I then tried to take a deep breath and when I did I felt this excruciating pain shoot around from the left side of my back around to the front of my chest under my left breast over my heart. When it would reach the heart area it felt like this sucking pain. Like my chest was being sucked into itself. Pretty scary stuff!.. My husband took me down to the ER. Thats always an experience. After 3 sets of X rays on my back and shoulder and 2 hours of waiting afterward, a P.A. finally came in to examine me. She poked around my back and chest which was a little sore to the touch but not much and told me she was sure it was pulled rib muscles and not cardiac. although she didn't do an EKG to confirm and by the time she finally saw me it was already beginning to feel better. The pain was lessening and my breathing was getting easier. After telling me a few times she was sure it was a rib muscle she said "I'll send in the doctor for a second opinion (which I didn't ask for) just give us a few minutes". I am convinced those in an emergency room can not tell time. The "few minutes" turned into almost an hour and still, no sign of anyone. By now I was feeling much better and my patience was gone. So I said "oh forget this, lemme get dressed. I wanna go home" and, thats what I did. I have been feeling fine as far as this goes since Tuesday night although if you touch the muscle in my back it's still pretty tender to the touch but I can move fine and breathing is fine. Once again, eventful huh?

This morning I knew I needed to get down to Krogers because I was out of the only cracker I can swallow but I have been feeling sick for a few days. I knew why but also knew that I had to get there today. Like millions of other people, I suffer from IBS ontop of my other issue's. I usually get an attack once a month and I've been waiting for this one to hit but before it does I don't feel well for a few days, very tired, lots of sinus pain. So, I pulled myself together and left to hit Krogers. On the way there, I stopped of at my church, St. James Catholic Church to drop off some items for their garage sale on Sunday and yes, I donated some nice items that I hope will bring in some decent money for the church as we are trying to finish fixing up the Founders Center.

Once I left there I headed down the highway to Kroger and I could feel anxiety building. I wasn't feeling well, my head felt funny and my thoughts started getting overwhelmed by the sound of music, traffic and my car itself. While I was sitting at a light I could feel an anxiety attack starting to get a grip on me. Truth is, while I was told on Tuesday it was a muscle pull I've been kind of freaked out since it happened because one of my biggest fears has always been a heart problem. So, at the light I could feel the scary thoughts starting to take hold. This was happening because I wasn't feeling well physically and suddenly I thought, stop!. I took a couple deep breaths, popped in a quiet CD and made myself relax. Then I told myself that if anything were going to happen better in Krogers where there are lots of people than in the car alone, to relax and continue with my trip to the store. I went to Krogers, got what I needed and on the way home I was fine. I told myself I have worked too hard and come too far with my panic and anxiety disorder to allow it to get hold of me and change my life for the worse again. I can not and will not allow this to happen. I went from being afraid to leave my house and having attacks while home for almost 10 years or more and I am NOT going to allow this to happen again. I am finally and have been free to go and do as I please for the last 2 years. It took so much hard work mentally and physically on my part and I am not going to allow myself to lose that. I deserve to be as free as possible from this disorder. I also really understood that this disorder is like any other chronic disorder. Its a constant work in progress. I will always be working to handle it. Some days will be harder than others but not letting it suck me in again is the goal and key. It was a bittersweet reminder.


No comments:

Post a Comment

Please leave your comments, I love hearing from you! :)
~Robyn~ XO