July 15, 2018

It's Not Good


I have been really trying to keep myself in denial about this year being a bad one but I can't do that anymore. 



I have had so many friends and acquaintances tell me here and there in our conversations that this year has been horrible for them. In my mind I keep saying, it's not been that bad. It's been good for us. I was happily keeping myself in denial refusing to look at it as bad but the truth is, it's been a bad year and it's only half way over. That thought in itself makes me shudder...

I almost lost my husband in February of the this year to bi-lateral pneumonia. He had to be put on a breathing ventilator, he was in ICU and had a seven day hospital stay. It was horrific but, my mind recovered from that somewhat or, I just decided to not think about it and so I've been carrying on. 

I lost a good friend unexpectedly on my birthday to sudden heart attack and then two weeks later I had a devastating loss. A young woman whom I loved more like a daughter was killed in a horrific car wreck caused by a drunk driver. It took me a bit to be able to move forward after that. In between all this my husband has had some health issue's as well and in May we had to put our dog Jake down after thirteen years..

The last month or so has been relatively quiet but like a lot of people I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Then one night I realized that life is nothing but peaks and valleys. Peaks are the good times and the valleys are the times that test everything we believe, everything we think we are it can test our very lives. It seems for us anyway, we have more valleys than peaks and I thought to myself, "better enjoy this peak because sooner or later you're going to find yourself back in a valley again"

And so it is.. Back in a valley again. For those of you who have been around my blog or YouTube channel for sometime know of my best friend Linda. We have a pretty large age gap of twenty nine years, we do not agree on anything politically...at .....all but despite these things, Linda and are like peas and carrots. She is and has been the Ethel to my Lucy. I even bought her a coffee cup that says just that!... We have been very close friends for the last thirteen years.

On Wednesday July 11th, Linda was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer. And now that I've typed that out I"m sitting here looking at the blinking cursor unsure of what comes next. She doesn't see the oncologist until July 31st and I am trying to glean some sort of hope out of that thinking that if it were 'that bad' she would be in the oncology office much sooner than that but, that still small voice also tells me that, that is false hope. Small cell lung cancer is bad, prognosis is bad no matter how you look at it. We don't know what stage it is yet but it seems that everything I've read, it really doesn't matter. The prognosis, with or without treatment is just, well....bad. 

I am worried about her, I'm worried about her husband Bill, I"m worried about what the next few months will bring.

I am also worried about my husband, that's a whole other post and I will get to that. Right now I am just trying to process this and I thought I was doing well with it until this morning. I think the reality of this is beginning to set in and it's, ugly.

Please pray for my bestie Linda and her husband Bill. Ask the Lord to guide them and help them make the the toughest decisions they will ever have to make in the next few months.

As for 2018, Is it a bad year? I guess so. I've been happily walking around in a cloud of denial for so many reasons all year but I'm being pulled out of my happy little cloud. I need to cling to the Lord because when I think about all the people I love, everything I am blessed with, in the end, He is all I have.. Please pray that I can be the good wife and the good friend that I have been but need to be even more so now..


9 comments:

  1. I’m so sorry. My husband’s mother had lung cancer, they found it when she was 70. She was successfully treated and is cancer free. She’s 80 now. And she quit smoking at age 70 too, and she’s much healthier. I will pray for healing for Linda. And sending you a hug.

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  2. Thank you Sherry. I pray Linda can have as good an outcome as your mother in law XO

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  3. Oh Robyn, I am so sorry, I will pray for you.

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  4. The really tough, difficult things in life are the things you most learn from. The first thing you will learn is that you WILL survive. The second thing is that you are smarter, stronger, more mature and more calm. I know because I've been through it all. I, too, have lost girlfriends (which may be the most difficult to process of anything else in life), and now I'm a widow.
    The Lord will guide you through all this IF you will allow Him to do so. Take good care of everyone you love, and smile all day every day. Smile so that everyone can see your courage and your kindness. This is what you need now: Courage and Kindness. Say prayers often, and look way up !!

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    1. Marsha.... You're right.. I can't thank you enough for your comment. These words are EXACTLY what I needed to read today. Thank you again!! XO

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  5. Robyn,I am truly sorry about Linda I will definitely include her in my prayers. It does seem that 2018 has had its struggles for a lot of people myself included. It is hard lately it seems to concentrate on the good when there is rough news handed over daily on soo many fronts. This is the time right now right here in 2018 and moving forward we need to get as close to God as we can....and I know you strive to do that everyday as I do. Lately, I just try and remember what God has told me to focus on even though it is hard, and that is what is true, what is right, what is just those are the things we should be concentrating on when we feel our feelings and emotions going another way.....and lay these situations at the foot of the cross...will it take it away not sure but I do no nothing can separate us from the love of God and that each and everyone of us is on a journey we need to encourage each other, love each other and pray for one another and hand the rest to God because if not it will consume you. Know that God is with you and me and all of us in 2018 and he will see us through according to his will....sending you a big hug and lots of love.....Debbie

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  6. Hello Robyn, I'm here from Wanda's blog "Got a Minute". I just wanted to say that sometimes the only thing we can cling to is the Hope in the Lord.
    It's so difficult when we go through these valleys and I will pray for your friends and your hubby too.
    My Devotion this morning was about Hope, from Jesus Calling...
    Romans 12:12, Thessalpnians 5:8 and Hebrews 6: 18-19.
    they were gems for me and I hope they are for you.
    Sue of photowannabe

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Please leave your comments, I love hearing from you! :)
~Robyn~ XO