I would have never thought that I would see a birthday I would be celebrating or not celebrating during a worldwide pandemic but, there I was.
Fifty is a big birthday. I had large plans of taking a train up to see my family in New Jersey for my birthday this year but Coronavirus put and end to that. Instead I found myself staying home doing, well, not much of anything.
Instead I just took the day off. I sat out on my deck in the sun for a while, I finished a book I had been reading for way too long and it was for the most part a very boring, quiet day.
I did do some reflecting on my life now that I have reached the age of fifty. Some of it good, some of it not so good. I was and am grateful that God has allowed me to see fifty as my father didn't get to see thirty six nor have many friends gotten to see forty so I do know how blessed I am. But reflecting for me isn't always a good thing.
For me, it tends to lead to looking backwards and feelings of sadness. On the flip side of my gratefulness my sadness is, I miss my parents, I miss friends and family, there are things I wish I had done, things I wish I had never done. I think for a lot of people as we age we begin to look towards the end of our life. That may sound morbid to some but I am more closer to the end than the beginning and I know this. For me, that is bittersweet. Maybe for others too.
The one huge bright spot in my day was hearing from my kids. I call them my kids but they are really my nephews and my niece. Why do I call them my kids? Because I was just a kid when they were born and for most of the formative years in their lives I was very hands on in helping to raise them and teach them and love them. So in my heart, I may not have given birth to them but I love them just as any mother loves her children.
They aren't children anymore and in fact one of them has children of their own but as any parent will tell you, it doesn't matter how old your children get, they will always be your babies. Those three kids have always been my heart, the lights in my life and they always will be no matter how old they or I get. To get phone calls from all three of them truly made what started out as a kind of let down, boring and in some ways sad day, to a good day. All it takes is to talk to one of them and I am instantly feeling better about life in general.
When we are able we will celebrate and until then I will be thankful to God for all He has and does give me and look forward to brighter days.