A person who withdraws from the world. Hmmm. The way 2020 has gone so far that sounds really good to me right now..
As a matter of fact it sounds so good that's what I'm going to try and do for a number of reasons. I've been attending online zoom class/meetings with a Priest from The Oratory of St Philip Neri and we are studying a book written by St. Theophan the Recluse about the spiritual life and how to obtain and keep it. So far we have had two classes / meetings and I knew from the first one this was what I wanted. Only, I will have to do things a bit different because after all I am married, I have five - four legged ones to care for, extended family as well as a few friends.
Unlike Theophan I can't just drop everything and walk away from my life although sometimes I would like too. I'm sure all you moms, dads, grandparents, spouses understand what I mean when I say that. But of course I love my family and friends too much to do that so I will have to be a sort of inner recluse. So, what does that look like?
I think it might look different for everyone. For myself it will mean the cutting off of social media as much as possible, the cutting off of social engagements (like I have this huge social life outside my home) as much as is realistic and one of the harder parts, learning to say no.
Why would I do this you ask? Is she nuts? You may think I've flipped my lid but no I haven't.. My lids been gone for years so no lid to flip anymore. I'm doing this because in all honesty, I am suffering spiritually ever since this whole coronavirus lock down began. I can't attend Mass which, there are a few reasons why but I'll just give you two of them for now. The first is, I do not want to contract the virus (even if it is suspected I had it already, no one knows if you can get it again) and bring it home to my husband or friends and secondly, we are being asked to treat our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament like a large french fry being picked up at the McDonalds drive through window and I outright refuse to profane Him like this or any other way. Yes, I'm Catholic if you couldn't tell already.
Due to these reasons and others my prayer life, my relationship with the Lord has been.... well, stagnant. Not because of anything He has or hasn't done but because I'm home and I am lazy. I give in to the distractions of this world so easily it's embarrassing. Over the last few weeks God has 'really' been opening my eyes to just how much I am damaging my soul and my eternity with Him .
Going on social media now be it, Twitter or Facebook or YouTube is sort of like walking into a social media civil war. The only social media that has been fairly quiet from all this is Instagram. I realize you can customize your feeds on these platforms to be only what you want to see but ultimately 'someone' will ALWAYS repost something you do not want to see. So there really is no getting away from it unless you 'stay' away from it...
I want to spend my time with God, thinking of God throughout my day while I do my chores etc. Take care of my husband and four leggeds, be a better aunt, sister and friend by being in the moment with them. Not distracted by the massive loop of information on replay in my head from social media.
If you're on my Facebook page you may see a post of mine from time to time but you won't see me commenting on anything anymore. It leads me to sin because it's nothing but vitriol on there and sad to say, I am just like everyone else. I get sucked right in and before I know it I'm being just as mean and nasty as others are. This, is what I do not want. This is not what God wants from me or for me.
For those of you who follow me on YouTube. I do plan to make a video saying good-bye to my channel for now and you can keep up with me here if you'd like. Who knows, if this goes as I pray it does I may even change the name of my blog to "Robyn The Recluse". We shall see. Pray for me.