September 6, 2020

I'm Still Struggling


I'm still fighting, I'm still battling, I'm still struggling to try and find my way...

A few months back I think I wrote that I was struggling with where I belonged anymore as far as my faith goes. I am a Catholic and have been almost my entire life but in the last few years so much has happened within the Catholic Church that I have begun to question if I still belong there.

I will say that I still firmly believe most of what the Roman Church teaches and tells us as far as dogma is concerned and the ancient Roman Catholic Church is beyond beautiful. There simply are no words for it's beauty but since Vatican II really came into play from about nineteen-seventy onward that beauty has been eroded more and more and now here we are in two thousand and twenty it's almost all but gone. 

This is all due to the wickedness of men who have been allowed to run rampant unchecked for decades and it's getting worse. We do still have 'some' good, faithful priests and a few faithful bishops but these days they are extremely hard to find. We also have had a pope for the last seven years who seems to be an idol worshiper, a heretic and a creation worshiper as well as a friend to those who are enemies of God.

There has been vileness and corruption in the Church for quite sometime but since this pope came along those who make up this camp are no longer hiding in the shadows. In fact, they are now front and center and in my heart I can't take it anymore. They have stolen my Catholic Faith. Not my faith, my Catholic Faith.. I don't want to be part of it anymore. Every day some new scandal or off the wall comment comes out of the Pope, the Vatican, a whacked out priest or a wacky bishop. Always just trying to destroy what's left of the Church and I'm tired. I'm angry, I'm fed up and I'm sick of it. 

I know in my heart I will more than likely always be Catholic but all I want is very simple. I want to worship God, love our Lord with all my heart, follow Him every day in every area of my life, I want to live His Words and Truth and right now in the Catholic Church that seems almost impossible to do that. If you don't know what I am talking about, please ask me. Don't assume. Ask me and I will explain it in other posts.

I know a lot of you who read my blog are not Catholic Christians but you are Christians whether you ascribe to a certain denomination or not. I have just joined Proverbs 31 Ministries online and I will begin my first bible study with them tomorrow. I don't know if this is the right way for me to go, I have asked the Lord to show me. If this bears fruit then I know it is. If it doesn't, then I know it isn't. 

In upcoming posts I will be elaborating on what has happened in the Roman Catholic Church over the last few years to help you better understand my gut wrenching struggle.

For now I am trying to walk a path with God that I've never walked before and I am trusting Him to lead me to the right destination.

Do any of you belong to Proverbs 31 Ministries? If so, what is your opinion of it?


  1. Robyn, I am so sorry for all the struggle you are going through. I am not a Catholic but I am a Christian. I am sorry for any denomination which leaves its first love. I have heart of the Proverbs 31 Ministry but have not joined it. I am teaching a Bible Study and am involved in my congregation and just don't have the time. Please let me know what you think of it. I'd be very interested. I know God will lead you in the place He would have you go. It will be interesting to see just where that is.

  2. Have read and known about Proverbs 31 ministry for years. Another good one is She Reads Truth. My only thought is be in the Word a lot, ask God to open your eyes to truth (Ps. 119:118). Blessings in your studies.

  3. I am so sorry. It's hard to handle all the evil in the world and when you see it in the church - it's even harder. Been there and done that. Evil can be and most likely is everywhere but so is godliness and righteousness and holiness. We must keep our eyes on Jesus....and not the world ....even when the world shows up in our churches. I, too, had to change churches. God will lead yo in the way you should go. I will add you to my prayer journal for awhile. God bless you in your walk with Christ.

  4. Faith can be a struggle. I am not Catholic, I am Baptist. There is sin and corruption in all churches and church leaders now more than ever. I think its because they are lost sinners no matter how much they portray to be following Christ. I feel like God is working on you right now. Just pray and he will lead you to answers. Our faith being tested right now. The world is changing fast but keep your eyes to the Lord and let him lead and guide you.
    I use the Bible app. I love it. There are even little devotionals you can do on your own or with friends.

  5. I can understand your struggle. Follow your heart and pray. I am not Catholic, I'm protestant. I used to love going to church, but can't anymore. (health reasons) However, I can talk with God no matter where I am. I'm wishing you peace and a wonderful day, hugs, Edna B.

  6. Hi there Robyn, I am a Christian and not Catholic. I have nothing against Catholic people, some "Christians" say awful things about Catholic people. Immediately on reading your post, I immediately thought of the song "open the eyes of my heart". Not sure if you are familiar with the song. To me this song is like a prayer set to music. Just keep your eyes on Jesus. Pray for your eyes to be opened. God will lead you where you are supposed to be. He WILL open your eyes to show you where to go. I think all of us should be way less worried about Baptist, Catholic, Presbyterian, Assembly of God, etc......and just focus on Jesus. He is the son of God.


Please leave your comments, I love hearing from you! :)
~Robyn~ XO