Blessed Sunday to you family and friends. It doesn't happen often but today it has. Everyone once in a while the reality that is my life comes front and center and this morning, it's staring me straight in the eyes.
Incase you don't know I have a swallowing condition for the last eighteen years. I am unable to swallow most solid foods and I also have a hard time with liquids as well. Each doctor seems to have a theory but no one ever seems to be able to nail it completely. We go from Achlasia, to Dysphasia, to a motility disorder to GERD (meds dont make it better) etc.
This morning I was looking online and it seems there has been a study done in Belgium, the first of it's kind and these scientists now believe that Achlasia is autoimmune. The nerve cells in the esophagus are attacked by the immune system and die thus the lower esophageal sphincter is unable to open and close as it should causing food to back up into the esophagus. So what does this all mean? It means people with this condition have a very high risk of choking to death. I wish I could put it a nicer way but that's the reality of it. That's my reality every day.
For the last year I have been telling myself, "you need to stop eating all the sugar, you need to stop eating all the sugar, this sugar is killing you, this sugar is going to kill you". You see, for me, chocolate goes down well because it melts in the mouth. Ice pops, ice cream do the same. That's pretty much what I live on. Lots and lots of sugar..
I also have food allergies and there are foods like potatoes that not only do I have a VERY hard time trying to swallow but they give me horrible, horrible migraines. I have been making a vegetable juice with kale, spinach and an apple but even that. If I drink a big glass of it at one sitting I end up with an incredibly painful migraine.
I am feeling very overwhelmed and honestly at this point, I feel like and I know I need to do something but I don't know where to turn anymore. The consistency of foods pureed need to be just right for me and trial and error is not only dangerous but if I can't swallow it then my throat is so twisted for the rest of the day that I get barely any food intake at all.
People like me, a lot of times, more than I even want to think about end up on feeding tubes and that scares me. I don't want to end up on a feeding tube, I don't want to choke to death and I don't want to die from all this sugar intake but, I don't know what else to do nor who to go to anymore. It's been eighteen years and no doctor seems to be much help nor have any answers for me.
This is my reality, yesterday, today and....... .I guess for the future or until God decides to take me to my heavenly mansion.